bartender

I have SO many thoughts running through my mind and just so few moments to sit down to express them.

One such thought swimming to the surface at this time of quiet (also known as naptime) originates with a song titled "Bartender" by Dave Matthews. One line inparticular gets me everytime I listen to the song. It goes "when I was young I never thought about it now I just want to run and hide." In these words there is a sense of desperation that I know I would feel if not for the Lord and have in fact felt at different times in my Christian walk. I love to settle down into the feeling in order to better know know and remember how so many in this world (Christians and non) may feel.

Death comes to mind. I know it never crossed my mind much until I was married with kids. Thoughts about bad things happening to good people. Again, never crossed my mind much in the days of ignorance I call pre-"real world." The list could go on to include things like scandals involving the church and ministry leaders, war, disease, genocide, hunger, childhood sickness, greed, political issues, poverty, cruelty, etc. Things that you just don't spend a lot of time thinking about when the most pressing issue of your life is what you are going to do with your friends that weekend, or whether or not you should go to the prom. Please hear me, I am not saying that there are no struggles when you are younger, there are and Lord knows I have had my share, BUT still I never thought about things that now I find camping in my mind from time to time.

SO what do I do with this??? Not watch the news? Lock myself (and my kids) in my house in fear? Allow a melancholy cloud to settle over my head? Oh may it never be!!!! What I am intent on doing with all of this is to feel it, to know it, to experience it and to go no, run, to the one Who said, "I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly," (John 10:10) and "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world" (John 16:33) or "Many or the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him (or her) out of them all" (Psalm 34:19) and not to mention "I sought the Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears" (Psalm 34:4).

I can't help but picture Jesus sitting across from me, intently looking into my eyes not missing a word of what I am saying, tears dancing in His beautiful eyes, head nodding, hand reaching for mine. One of those encounters where you know the person you are speaking with KNOWS just what you are talking about. He is that person. He knows. And I know He weeps right along with us.

Dave Matthews also says in the song "Bartender please, fill this glass for me, with the wine they gave Jesus that set Him free after three days in the ground." I don't claim to know what exactly he means by that but for me it speaks of life, truth, power and spirit. All things we are promised as children of the Father and Christ followers.

Let it sink in Lord. Let me never forget the desperation there in this world all around me. How did you put it? Tribulation. May this drive me to my knees and make me more than compassionate with the lost and with those of my brothers and sisters who may be feeling desperate as well. It's okay to feel that way sometimes. We aren't home yet. He's not wiped our tears away like He will on that last day. It's okay. We can "think about it" and we don't have to "run and hide."