fresh start

Ahhh...there is just something about a fresh start. I have been daydreaming about this blog for some time now and here it is! I have wrestled with what I guess I have felt was expected of me and that is a "mommy blog" or a "family blog." Sorry. Not me. I am sure I will talk about my family for they are the tools that chisel me into who I am becoming, but no, this blog is not one of those.

Why "Ruined" you may ask? Let me explain. In the description of this blog is a line from the song "Friend for Life" by Watermark. "Come and ruin me with your love so no other is enough come and leave your mark on me, Jesus more of thee." I have cried these words out to God in my search for/journey towards HIM many many times. These words are now a reality for me.

Do you know what it means to be "ruined." To have no where else to go? To have tried it all and been left wanting? This is me. And this, this is my wonderful reality. Why wonderful? Because I AM ruined. Ruined by the only ONE who measures up to the gaping need deep within me, that abyss of want that haunts me. So now no other person, thing, substance, whatever...nothing will ever, nor can ever be enough. It is HIM or nothing. I pray this for you dear friend, though it is the path marked with suffering. No more anesthesizing the pain, no more denial, no more hiding, no where else to go...ruined. It is the quiet knowing that nothing else will do (even when secretly you may wish it would). Jesus. He does something to you or you haven't really met Him. Ruined. Yes, I am.